you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
