On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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