you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
my poor anus
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
