Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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