I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
