WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
