I heard we made out
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
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His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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