I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
