That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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