I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
