you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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