oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
