Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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