just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
