i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
