Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
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