Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
