When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
