he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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