The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
so much tequila, so little girl.
Sorry about my life...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
