after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
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The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
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Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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