if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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