party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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