Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
