You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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