i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
