Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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