All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
