she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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