we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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