Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
