I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
