Screwed.edu
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
