carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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