dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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