So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
