Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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