Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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