I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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