I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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