mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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