I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
