I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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