turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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