I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
