Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
