he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
