Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
