I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
