yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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