My underwear smells like fireworks.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Oh god it's open bar.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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