I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
