I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
