dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
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