I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
