I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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