friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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