whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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